


Take Me Back To The Start

by emquin



Category: Glee
Genre: 4.04, AU, Glee - Freeform, Klaine, M/M, One Shot, the break up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1353166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emquin/pseuds/emquin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine pick up the pieces of their lives after their break up. Post- The Break Up AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me Back To The Start

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back right after The Break Up happened, so it's old and obviously AU...This was also written due to the fact that I could not wrap my mind around Blaine actually cheating on Kurt and this was my "fix it" fic if you will. I originally did post this on livejournal and in fanfiction.net but I'm trying to transfer all my stuff over here so...

He knew it was over when Kurt changed his relationship status on facebook to ‘single’. Blaine would have maybe found it ironic that it happened over the same website that led to Eli, except that it hurt too much for him to even think about it. So, instead, he deactivated his account and he didn’t even try and torture himself even more by looking at everything Kurt had written on his wall back when things were well.

After their facebook official status went away, Blaine knew there really was no point in sending any more texts, or trying to call him. Kurt had decided it was over and Blaine wasn’t going to be able to convince him otherwise. It hurt, and he would never admit it to anyone other than Kurt, but for the first few days afterwards he cried nonstop, curled up in his bathroom sometimes dry heaving because he hadn’t eaten anything to actually throw up.

He even went as far as to skip a few days of school and he knew that everyone had heard what happened because no one called or texted asking if he was okay. They all knew and they all probably thought he was scum.

When he eventually went back, it was obvious almost at once that everyone knew what he’d done. It wasn’t just the kids in glee, glaring at him. Teachers looked at him differently, as well as other students that had known Kurt personally. Only the freshmen and the new students didn’t seem to be personally offended by what he’d done, but they all still thought he was a horrible person – because who cheats on the person they claim to love? The person they call the love of their life?

Glee was suddenly harder than ever. He may have been the leader of the New Directions, but that didn’t mean that any of them cared enough to hear his side of the story. They didn’t seem to want to speak to him either, and only did when it was necessary. Even Marley and Jake gave him hurt looks and they were so involved in their own love lives they wouldn’t have cared much for his.

For some reason, it was Finn – who had pretty much taken over glee club – that seemed to be interested in making sure he was okay.

“Why?” Blaine asked him one afternoon while he was gathering his things, “you’re his brother – why haven’t you beat me up yet?”

“Because I’ve been on both sides, dude. I’ve been cheated on and I’ve cheated and I’m not proud of that, of everything that happened with Quinn and Rachel and Puck. So, I sort of get it. I know you’re both hurting and you’re beating yourself up more than anyone else could. And also because I see how they ignore you and how they’ve pretty much told Kurt they’re on his side even though most of them have been where you are on either side.”

“I – thank you. I don’t know what I was thinking, you know. It was like there was this giant hole in my chest and I felt so alone and ignored. He was just this guy – met him in a chat room. He friended me on facebook and started hitting on me and I knew it was wrong even then but I liked the attention – I liked that I could go on my phone and he’d be there complimenting me and making me feel like I mattered. So, when Kurt just wouldn’t answer the phone, wouldn’t text me back it was like I’d reached a limit and there was Eli, inviting me over and I just thought ‘why not?’ I wasn’t even thinking about sex, about any of that…”

Finn didn’t say anything. He stood there, towering over Blaine and just listening. Blaine couldn’t continue though. He couldn’t think about that night and the giant mistake that he’d made.

Finn touched his shoulder. “This is not to give you any false hope – but, Blaine, my brother loves you and it might take some time, but you’ll work it out. Stop beating yourself up about it, alright.”

Blaine didn’t stick around to talk any longer, he just thanked Finn and then went to the locker room and got ready to do some boxing. Once, it had been something he did every few weeks, but now he was there as often as he could, punching away at the bag.

It didn’t take too long for everyone to start talking to him again after that conversation he had with Finn and Blaine was almost sure that Finn had had a lot to do with it. It was Marley first, asking if he was alright and if he would sit with her at lunch. Then it was Brittany who just took his hand and muttered something about Santana. They were broken up too. He’d heard, but he hadn’t given it too much thought. Sam came next and it was Sam that really tried to explain to him what it felt like to be cheated on.

“You lose all trust in that person,” he said, “it’s like everything you knew about them just falls apart. Glass shattering and a thousand shards left that need to be picked up before everything can begin to go back to okay. Suddenly, you doubt everything. It isn’t just about one incident, but the possibility of others and even the questioning of your own self worth.”

The mere idea that Kurt might be feeling all of that and more was worse than the guilt that he still couldn’t let go and that he doubted he would ever be able to let go. He didn’t tell anyone what happened the night he cheated on Kurt, mostly because he didn’t want to talk about it or remember what had happened. So, instead, he started going through the motions. He had his friends back, but barely, and they had always been Kurt’s first. There was a play to perform and rehearse, and Sectionals to prepare for and countless other things to do. Nevertheless his mind always went back to Kurt and to his eyes filled with tears and hurt.

From Finn he heard that Kurt had come back to Lima for a long weekend, but he stayed away and talked himself out of even driving by the house to try and catch a glimpse of him.

“How is he?” he asked Finn.

“His boss gave him a week off because he made a huge mistake because he’s been working nonstop.”

Blaine took that for what it meant and didn’t ask again. And When Kurt left he breathed a little better now that the temptation of going to see him was gone. Kurt didn’t want to talk to him and as much as Blaine wanted to offer an explanation he knew that he didn’t deserve Kurt. So, he kept it to himself and he kept himself away.

-

Kurt threw himself into work on the days following Blaine’s visit. He was there so late that by the time he left there was only the security guard at the entrance of the building left. Getting home was always a bit scary at that time of night, but Kurt was slowly getting used to it. He was getting used to getting home to Rachel already asleep and to being so tired that sometimes he even went without eating dinner. He was used to sleeping no more than four or five hours and being up so early that he only just managed to catch Rachel waking up on his way out.

No one at work said anything about how early he arrived or how he did so much for all of them and not just Isabelle. But it was a few weeks into this new way of doing things when they started to notice that he wasn’t okay. Isabelle was the first to bring it up.

“Are you getting enough sleep Kurt?”

He’d shrugged off her question, given her a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and just muttered a, “Yes. I am” and then turned to answer the phone that was ringing.

Chase had been next, “is everything okay?”

Kurt had tried to shrug him off too, but after that first question he started watching him closer until one day he caught Kurt when he arrived.

“So you come in early and you leave late every day – I’m pretty sure that doesn’t give you much time to sleep. What’s up? This isn’t healthy, Kurt, and I know Isabelle isn’t making you do this.”

“I like my job,” Kurt had responded, “I like being here. It’s peaceful.”

Kurt could tell that Chase didn’t buy it, but he was grateful when he didn’t ask anything else.

It went on for a few more weeks. He was working so hard and yet not caring all that much about his work that eventually he made a huge mistake. Isabelle didn’t yell at him, or fire him. Instead she sent him home.

“Take the week off,” she said, “I don’t want to see you here until next Thursday. Maybe go home – visit your dad in Lima. Just, take some time to yourself and don’t worry about work.”

Kurt didn’t know how he’d lucked out and managed to get such an amazing woman as his boss. So, he gathered his things and he left and he ignored Chase when he looked after him. He headed home on autopilot, clutching the jacket he hadn’t actually put on. When he entered the apartment it was empty. Rachel was still probably in class and Kurt couldn’t remember the last time that he and Rachel had actually talked.

He set about making a complicated lunch because he knew he had to keep busy, and when he had everything in the oven, he called his dad. They’d talked over the last few weeks, but not every day and certainly not for very long.

“Hey, Kiddo,” his dad greeted, “aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“My boss gave me some time off – said I needed the rest.”

“You work too hard. I’m glad at least someone can remind you of your limits.”

Just hearing his dad’s voice was like a temporary band aid over the hurt that Blaine had left behind. It wasn’t enough, but Kurt could cherish it.

“I was thinking…maybe I could come home for a few days? I miss you, dad. And I know I’ve been a bit quiet but I’ve been keeping busy and I don’t think I could just sit here in this apartment for a week and not just…”

“Of course you can come home,” his dad interrupted, “you can always come home, Kurt. I’ve missed you too, kid, and I know I don’t have the full story but I know you’re hurting right now.”

He checked on his lunch and then fetched the computer.

“I’m going to book the first flight I can find, I’ll call to let you know all the details, alright?”

It sounded like his dad wanted to say something else, but instead he just said, “Alright. I’ll be waiting.”

“I love you, dad.”

He found a flight that left in the afternoon, and one that was in the morning. He bought a ticket for the one that same day. He would pack up after his lunch and leave Rachel a note if he didn’t see her beforehand. He didn’t think about Blaine or how he was there in Lima. All he thought about was curling up on the family room with his dad and telling him everything because he had to talk about it and for such a long time it had just been the two of them and Kurt couldn’t think of being able to turn to anyone else but him.

The stay at home was uneventful. He didn’t see anyone but his family. He didn’t tell anyone else that he was home in fear that Blaine might come looking for him. Blaine didn’t bother him once during his stay and Kurt hated that he was almost disappointed that he hadn’t seen him.

He did ask Finn how he was.

“He’s just kind of mopey,” Finn said, “but everyone’s talking to him now and I think he just feels really guilty about it all.”

“Good,” Kurt said, “he should. I never thought he would hurt me like this. Not even when Sebastian was trying to break us up. I just – I never imagined things going like this.”

Overall though, it was nice to see his dad and Carole and to spend time with Finn. He did curl up on the couch with his dad and cry it out more than once, and his dad didn’t really ask for all the details and Kurt could barely speak through his sobs, but somehow he managed to fill him in.

“And I don’t know how someone just does that, how he could have just gone and done that to me. Why wasn’t he thinking about me, dad? Why didn’t he care?”

And his dad just held him. “Sometimes in life, Kurt, things just happen. And if they’re meant to be they just work themselves out.”

“I love him, dad. Despite everything, I love him and I miss him. But I hate him – I want to just strangle him and yell at him and make his life miserable.”

“I know you do.”

Finn dropped his off at the airport and before he went to check in, his brother took him by the arm.

“I told him you had come home,” he said, “I told him and he stayed away because he knew you needed the space. I want you to remember that this was a mistake – a huge one – but a mistake and that he still loves you.”

Kurt didn’t know when Finn had gotten to be the one giving him advice, but he nodded and went on his way, back to New York feeling like he could maybe face the world now without needing to keep himself from thinking about Blaine.

-

Blaine sat at the top of the bleachers out on the field. He was wrapped up in a scarf that he’d stolen from Kurt. It didn’t smell like Kurt anymore, but when Blaine found it that morning he’d wrapped it around his neck and headed out of the house before he could change his mind. It had been a few more weeks since Kurt had come back to Lima without seeing him, and now he was back. This time the whole glee club knew. They all kept trying to gage his reaction. Artie was worried that it might mess with his acting. But he only had a small role.

It was stupid that he was still bitter about losing out on the lead, but he’d blown the audition in order to curl up on his bed and cry and really Jake was doing a great job. He and Marley had great chemistry. But it was his senior year and he should have been shinning. It reminded him of Kurt stuck as Officer Krupke and how Blaine had ended up playing Tony.

Kurt had come back for Thanksgiving with Rachel in tow. They were also there to watch the show, excited to see what Finn and Artie had put together and happy to be back to visit their families.

“What are you doing here?”

“I thought you were supposed to be in rehearsal.”

 

Marley, still in costume climbed up to where he was seated shrugged. “We’re taking a break. There was a bit of an incident. How are you holding up? I heard Kurt’s going to be back tomorrow.”

Blaine shrugged. “I have no idea what’s going to happen. It’s been weeks and I know I’m not over what I did to him so I know he’s not either, but he’d going to be in that audience and I just don’t know what’s going to happen.”

She grabbed his hand. “Well,” she said, “what do you want to happen?”

“I don’t know. I want to talk to him – to explain and apologize again. But I also don’t know what I would say or if anything I said would be enough.”

They sat in silence for a while longer until Marley spoke up. “For the short time I knew him, I thought the two of you were very sweet together. And I hope it works out. Now, come on, I think you have to be at practice as well.”

When the performance actually took place, it didn’t help knowing that Kurt would be in the audience, because when he saw him out there he had to pause and he stumbled over his lines. But it went fine and Kurt disappeared afterwards so Blaine didn’t end up talking to him. But it was for the best.

“He still needs time,” Rachel told him later when she arrived at Breadstix where they were celebrating opening night.

 

Blaine had only gone because Marley and Sam dragged him there.

“How is he?”

Rachel took a while to answer. “He’s coping. Some days are better than others. He’s still working like crazy but we’ve gone out to Callbacks and few times and he’s actually gone up on the stage to sing. But I think some nights he still cries over you.”

He and Rachel sat in a booth for a while. They caught up on each other’s lives and then Rachel began asking about Finn.

“I think Finn’s in his element here,” he told her, “he likes having some sort of purpose and I think the new members really look up to him and that’s great. I’ve been telling him it might be a good idea for him to become a teacher, to maybe start taking classes at the community college. He’s still a little unsure.”

Rachel looked thoughtful. “I think about him a lot,” she admitted, “I can’t seem to help it.”

“Go talk to him.”

“I better not.”

Rachel did get up, but she went to talk to Sam and Tina. Someone else slid into the spot she’d vacated. It was Mercedes. He hadn’t gotten to talk to her yet.

“Took a while, but I finally got the story out of my boy,” she said, “I’m angry at you, Blaine Anderson. I never thought you would do that to him.”

“Me either,” he whispered, “and don’t worry, I hate myself enough for what I did.”

She nodded. “You should.”

Mercedes patted his shoulder and then she was replaced by Mike. Mike had been back for a few days already and the two of them had already hung out and talked out both of their relationship issues.

“I just knew it was going to be really hard,” Mike had told Blaine, “I love Tina, I do, but I knew it was better for us to break up than to have her waiting for me to call or skype and I didn’t want us to resent each other for not having enough time for each other. It was for the best.”

There was an air of awkwardness between Mike and Tina, but despite that they still talked to each other and Blaine had even seen them alone in the choir room, sitting together and just talking. Somehow their stableness had even transferred over to their break up. Blaine had even heard him teasing her about the tattoo and that was a subject no one ever brought up. Watching them made him wish that he and Kurt could be friends like that again. He would take that, if there was nothing else to salvage because Kurt had always been his very best friend.

-

Things got better over time. Kurt had always hated when people said that time healed wounds. It wasn’t true. But time did put a scab over the wound and the things that reminded someone of what had caused it in the first place were like the accidental stretches of the limb the wound was on. Kurt knew first hand that some things couldn’t be healed. Things like losing his mother, for instance. But time made it easier. It didn’t make him forget.

He was still working just as hard, but he tried to call his dad more. He hung out with Rachel on the weekends, and he went out to explore the city when he could. Back when he’d just arrived Kurt had started making a list of places that he would take Blaine to. Now, he just wrote about them in his laptop and posted them to a blog. He wrote about the changing weather and about the people rushing around on the streets and more importantly their clothes.

The blog wasn’t updated often, and Kurt was sure that no one was reading, but it was somehow therapeutic to write everything out. He didn’t touch the subject of Blaine on there, and really he didn’t talk to anyone about Blaine, but he could vent about everything else that once he would have talked to Blaine about.

When he went back to Lima for the performance of Grease and Thanksgiving – and he really was the luckiest guy out there to have found the best boss in the world – it was the first time he was seeing Blaine since he’d left the apartment after trying to apologize to him again.

It was weird to see him on that stage and feel so proud of him and yet still have that lingering hate and resentment and pain. He didn’t stay long after the show and he hung out with his dad at home watching The Sound of Music. The holiday went by quickly and he was glad to see all of his friends, but then he was headed back to New York with Rachel at his side.

Rachel threw herself back into school with a new vigor. She and Brody were hanging out more and more and a part of Kurt wanted to put a stop to it and yell at her because Finn was back in Lima sure that they would get back together soon. The other part of him knew that he was probably better for her than Finn. Finn was still his stepbrother though. He didn’t answer Finn when he asked about Rachel the next time they spoke.

Kurt continued to work. Isabelle had started giving him more responsibility and he worked closer with other parts of her team. Sometimes he still answered phones, but he had gotten better at it. He’d also started making friends. But he always declined when they asked him if he wanted to go out for drinks.

“I’m not twenty-one,” he would laugh, or “plans with my roommate”, or “I have to rest up – early morning tomorrow”, or “I’m working late, guys, sorry”. He knew eventually it wouldn’t be enough. They all knew about his break up, about the guy that had sent him flowers for a week straight and called him too many times to count both on his own phone and the work phone, but they didn’t think that he was still dealing with it.

One night, he finally caved and said yes. So they went out to a nice bar and Kurt sat next to Chase across from Arlene and Matt. They were all older than Kurt, but he fit in along with them and actually enjoyed himself with them.

They went out again a number of times, sometimes just the four of them and sometimes with a few others. It was just fun and letting loose after work. Kurt had even started drinking a little bit, just enough to get a little tipsy. He had a believable fake ID now courtesy of Arlene who had a friend.

Rachel had gone out with them one night and she joined them occasionally, but she liked Callbacks better.

During those first nights out, Kurt hadn’t paid a lot of attention to his surroundings. It wasn’t until Matt and Chase pointed out that he realized that there were always guys staring at him.

“They don’t approach you because they think you’re with one of us,” Chase told him.

After that he started noticing more, a few times they even bought him drinks. Kurt had never had so many guys interested in him. There had always only been Blaine. Chandler, of course, but Kurt didn’t like thinking about him and the spectacle that had been.

For a long time he wasn’t ready for more than smiles from across the room and taking the drinks he was sent, but after a few weeks he let one of them approach him and he laughed and flirted and talked with him until he was handed a number on a scrap piece of paper.

He didn’t call him.

He didn’t call the second number he got.

He called the third. They agreed to go out to dinner. Chase helped him get dressed and talked Kurt into going.

“You’re going to have to get out there soon enough,” Chase told him.

None of his friends knew his and Blaine’s story, Kurt had never thought it was necessarily to tell them, so he understood why Chase was pushing him, but he wished he wouldn’t. He wanted someone to understand that he still wasn’t over Blaine and that he might never be over Blaine. But he went on the date anyway.

He hated almost everything about it, but Ryan was nice. He was polite and easy to talk to, and he seemed to get that Kurt wasn’t ready for a real relationship. He didn’t even try to kiss Kurt when he was dropping him off.

That night he soaked in the tub in their bathroom and he cried again because he missed Blaine so much and because for some reason the only person he wanted to talk about his semi-date was Blaine. Over Rachel and Mercedes, Blaine had always been his best friend. He missed him more than ever.

-

By the time Christmas came around, Blaine had sunk into the realization that he and Kurt were really over. Of course he’d known that before this, but some part of him had always hoped that once Kurt thought everything out that he might call or come to Blaine to finally talk everything out. That hadn’t happened. And once he activated his facebook again he was really sure they were over because the amount of pictures that Kurt was tagged in sent him spinning.

That had been his greatest fear and there it was on display for him. Kurt hugging some guy who looked too old for him; Kurt head thrown back with a girl he didn’t recognize; he and yet another guy, their cheeks pressed together, Kurt grinning wildly; Kurt on his own with neon lights from a bar behind him; Kurt at work with the same older guy. His heart almost stopped. Kurt had moved on. He’d moved on and he hadn’t once called Blaine to talk about what had happened between them. Everything felt wrong. 

He logged off of facebook and slumped in his chair. Blaine had known, of course, that Kurt had to have made friends in New York, he knew that he couldn’t be working all the time and had to do more than just hang out with Rachel at home but somehow seeing him having fun and living his life and not thinking about Blaine like Blaine spent all his time thinking about Kurt, it hurt.

He got up from the desk and dropped on his bed. Kurt would be coming home for Christmas. Rachel was throwing a party at her house as a reunion and he’d been invited. Blaine had planned on going, had hoped that it might mean he and Kurt could talk, but maybe it was for the better that they didn’t and that things stayed the way they were. After all, nothing would change from a talk. He still cheated. And he was still in Ohio while Kurt was in New York. Things weren’t going to go back to how they were no matter how much he wished they would.

Someone knocked on his door, and then pushed his door open.

“Hey, Blaine,” his mom said, “you alright, sweetheart?”

He nodded. “Yeah, mom, fine. Did you need anything?”

“I was wondering if you maybe wanted to help with the decorations. Cooper just finished setting up the tree.”

He took a deep breath and then nodded. “Sure,” he said, “I’ll be down in a little bit.”

When he got down to the living room the tree his brother went to get that morning was already up and his mom had brought out the decorations, boxes upon boxes of breakable bulbs in every color.

His mom put on Christmas music and then they all started putting the ornaments up. It was fun and more importantly a distraction from Kurt and worrying about what might happen if he did go to Rachel’s Christmas party.

“So,” Cooper said when they were half done, “you never told me, but what happened between you and Kurt?”

Blaine had spoken to Cooper briefly about the break up, not long enough to really explain.

“I made a big mistake,” Blaine said, “that’s it, really. We haven’t talked since.”

Cooper seemed to get it immediately. He didn’t ask anything else and for the rest of the night, he didn’t seem to know just what to say to Blaine. It had been almost three months to the day when Blaine had flown into New York and told Kurt what he’d done and it still felt horrible.

When the day of the party rolled around, Blaine stared at the outfit he had prepared and the seven different bowties he was considering. He had decided on going, and only because he really couldn’t afford to stay home when it was still possible that Kurt wanted to talk to him and also because Rachel had threatened to drag him out of his house, into a car, and to her house herself.

So, he got dressed, tried on all the ties and settled on a slightly festive one whose origin he couldn’t remember. He said goodbye to Cooper and was on his way. His hands shook on the wheel and no song on the radio could calm him down, but it was too quiet if he turned off the radio. He tried not to get his hopes up too much.

Rachel opened the door and claimed that he was one of the first to arrive.

“You can help me finish setting up.”

Finn, Kurt, and Mercedes were already there. When he entered they looked up from what they were doing and he saw Kurt pause, stare at him for a moment and then drop his eyes back down. He tried not to let it bother him, but it did bother him that he couldn’t tell what Kurt was thinking.

“Hey, Blaine,” Finn greeted, “come help me with this, I have no idea what Rachel wanted me to do.”

He moved over towards Finn and found that he was supposed to be putting up a table for the snacks Rachel had bought. He helped Finn put it up and then Mercedes appeared with a plate of veggies with dip and a bowl of chips.

“Oh, hi, Blaine,” she said and hugged him. He hugged her back. “How have you been?”

“Okay,” Blaine said, “Cooper’s back for the holidays, so I’ve been hanging out with him. He just got a part in some show, I can’t remember what, but he’s going to be filming right after Christmas. I never thought he would get anything.”

Mercedes laughed and hit his shoulder playfully. “He wasn’t that bad.”

“I guess. How’s LA?”

“Good. Good.”

Blaine nodded and drifted off to help Rachel with getting something out of a closet.

“He wants to talk to you,” she said, “I don’t think he knows how to approach you. But he told me he wants to talk to you.”

Blaine didn’t respond. He got the blanket that Rachel had been trying to get out, out, and handed it to her. When he looked at Kurt again, he found him staring at him. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. It had never been this hard to talk to Kurt. He licked his lips. What could he say?

“Hey,” he managed at last.

Kurt looked a bit surprised. “Hey, yourself,” he said.

The doorbell rang and Kurt walked past him to get it. Kurt stared after him and then sighed. He spotted Sam, who waved at them as he took off his jacket.

They finished setting up as more people started arriving, so Blaine sat down and got up when there were hugs to be had like when Quinn arrived looking as beautiful as ever and on her first trip back to Lima, or when Tina wanted to hug everyone even her fellow glee members that she still saw every day.

Somehow Kurt wound up sitting next to him and Blaine tried his hardest to not let himself get pressed up against him, keeping a few inches between them. He didn’t even know where they stood and there was still a lingering feeling of disgust for himself for what he’d done. He didn’t deserve to even be this close to Kurt.

“So, what’s everyone been up to?” Quinn asked, “and I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch but I’ve been busy with school.”

It was only then they remembered she didn’t know anything. She started talking to Mercedes, and was only a little surprised that she and Sam had broken up. Then she asked Finn about the army and she laughed as he told his story. They all did. But when she asked if Finn and Rachel were still getting married no one said anything for a long moment.

“No,” Rachel said, “we’re not. We’re not anything, not now.”

-

If Kurt were going to be truthful, he’d been dreading the party. He’d wanted to catch up with everyone of course, but now he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen. He hadn’t seen Blaine since the play and then it had been from afar.

Seeing him now was weird. He held himself a bit stiffly and his eyes were somehow missing something, they looked dull and devastated. He spoke to everyone in friendly terms, asking about them and giving few answers about himself. Blaine still dressed the same and still looked just as magnificent as ever. No wonder some guy had been ready to just jump right into bed with him. Kurt hated thinking about it. He hated knowing that he wasn’t the only person that Blaine had ever touched so intimately, that he wasn’t the only person that had explored that body. Someone else had been there and touched and kissed and done who knew what else.

Blaine ended up next to him. Kurt blamed Rachel. She wanted them to talk because she thought it would help him move on. Kurt didn’t know if he wanted to move on. He ignored his phone vibrating against his leg, it had to be Ryan and he really didn’t want to know what he might want.

Quinn was staring at them strangely, as if trying to figure something out. He saw her whispering to Mercedes until she drew in a breath and whispered, “no.”

“I guess everyone knows what a cheater I am,” Blaine said.

Kurt didn’t know how to reply. He didn’t know if he’d forgiven him yet. Sometimes he thought he had, like when he wished that he could share good news with him. Other times when he was reminded that Blaine had been with someone else he wanted to seek him out and just scream at him.

“You can’t keep a secret with these people,” he replied at last.

“I’m really sorry,” Blaine said, “I truly am.”

“I know that.”

They didn’t speak again for a while, but Kurt thought they had gotten somewhere. At some point, Rachel pulled out her microphone and although they were all whining and groaning, there were smiles around and requests for songs. Kurt was surprised when Blaine wasn’t requesting to sing. He always sang, was always ready to take the stage.

“Aren’t you going to sing something?”

Blaine shrugged. “I don’t know. Are you?”

“Probably not.”

It was awkward and strained and it wasn’t anywhere near the topic they really needed to talk about, but Kurt didn’t know if he could do it. But then he remembered the last few blog entries and how he hid his wondering questions in badly written poetry. Back when Blaine had first told him what he did, Kurt hadn’t wanted to know details or wanted to question Blaine on any of it, but now it wasn’t just curiosity but a thirst to put it behind him that made him want to know exactly what Blaine had done.

Alcohol had come out and Kurt was better at drinking, better at holding down a drink and knowing his limits so he took a glass of wine and sipped at his cup. When he finished the cup he took another and that one would be the courage he needed to do what he’d wanted to do since the moment he arrived in Lima the night before.

He finished the last gulp of wine and then took a deep breath. He extended his hand and grasped Blaine’s.

“Come upstairs with me,” he whispered, “we have to talk before I finish that bottle.”

Blaine didn’t say anything, but he let himself be led. Kurt didn’t pay attention to anyone else, instead he focused on getting them out of there and he tried not to think about how much he’d missed holding Blaine’s hand. He took Blaine up to Rachel’s room and only then dropped his hand. He closed and locked the door behind him.

“I don’t know how to start,” he said, “the entire plane ride I was sitting there thinking about how I should talk to you and I kept just replaying all these scenarios in my head and trying to figure out just what I would say or how you might respond and then you walked into this house and they were gone. God, Blaine, you don’t know what you did to me. You really don’t.”

Blaine walked to Rachel’s bed. He sat down and stared down at his hands. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he said at last, “but I want you to know that I am so sorry, Kurt. I am so absolutely sorry and I just hope that I did the right thing by leaving you alone and letting you just deal with this without me bothering you. This is the biggest mistake I have ever made and I will not hold it against you if you want nothing to do with me because I ruined us. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me.”

He was crying. Kurt could hear it in his voice and he could see it in his shaking hands but as much as he wanted to just hug him and comfort him, Kurt didn’t let himself. He needed to know and the question needed to be asked.

“Why did you do it, then?”

Blaine looked up and Kurt felt his heart drop at the broken expression, the red rimmed eyes and his blotchy skin. He wiped at his cheeks.

“I didn’t really know why for a long time,” Blaine said, “I mean, I told myself that I was angry and alone and just so lonely and he was there giving me all the attention you weren’t, but I think I thought you were going to hurt me first and every missed call and postponed skype date and every time you had hang up on me early it just – every one of my fears felt like they were coming true and there was nothing I could control and you weren’t talking and I had no one, Kurt, and I definitely didn’t have you.”

Kurt didn’t say anything. He walked to Rachel’s window and he peaked out through the curtain but his focus wasn’t on the street outside. He intently listened to Blaine instead.

“I was in a chat room one night, while I was waiting for you to call. I don’t even remember what it was about, but I was talking to this guy about nothing important and he was nice and he complimented me and I don’t know, when he sent me a friend request and I saw he was from Lima I just accepted. I didn’t think much of it. It’s social media, you’re friends with anyone that asks, and you don’t even care for more than half of those people but they’re there. He was just on a list, just another person. A random. And then he started commenting on my pictures, messaging me and I ignored him, Kurt, but getting that attention, those compliments. It made me feel better.”

Kurt couldn’t take all the blame for what happened, but suddenly he could see. His poor boyfriend stuck in Ohio listening to Kurt go on and on about his job and New York and sometimes not even getting calls back after Kurt didn’t answer not to mention all the skype dates he’d cancelled. Why hadn’t he noticed? Had he been so wrapped up in himself that he was neglecting Blaine? Neglecting their relationship? It sounded a lot like it.

“I tried to tell you, I know it’s not an excuse, but I tried to tell you how I was feeling. You were just so busy. I mean, I understood but I didn’t, you know. I just wanted to feel like you missed me as much as I missed you because I couldn’t tell sometimes. So, he invited me over and I knew it wasn’t just going to be hanging out and watching a movie, but he gave me the attention I was craving and so I just drove over there and…” he shrugged his shoulders.

Kurt turned around. “And?” he asked.

“You really want to know?” Blaine asked. He stood up and walked towards Kurt, “you really want to hear all about it – you want to know how horrible I am?”

Kurt just nodded. “Yes,” he said, “yes. I need to.”

They were both crying. And Blaine tried to wipe away most of his tears before he continued. So Kurt took the moment to speak.

“I’m sorry too,” he said, “I’m so sorry, Blaine, for everything I made you feel. I was a horrible boyfriend. I never even realized. I pushed you to do it – to go over that edge and do this to us.”

Blaine shook his head. “No, Kurt. No. I was…I was too clingy, and needy and I just…It’s not your fault, okay, because you had just gotten that job and you were working really hard and I knew that but I just couldn’t handle it and all my insecurities just rose up and I just thought I was losing you and I did the stupidest thing ever.”

Kurt had to hug him. Blaine was an utter mess, but he was hurting so much and it would be cruel to not hug him and to not try and make it a little better. So he did, and Blaine clung to him so tightly that Kurt thought he might cut off his circulation.

Blaine missed him in his arms after they had let go. He had forgotten how well he fit into Kurt, or how amazing his hugs could be. He tried to clean himself up a little and he took a few deep breaths.

“I drove to his house and at first we just kind of sat there and talked, but he sat too close to me and he was touching my arm and it was just awkward and uncomfortable and when he kissed me I didn’t know how to react because even though it all felt wrong, it still felt good. He was a good kisser, he didn’t do it for me like you, but he was good and I couldn’t help it. I kissed back. But he felt different. There was stubble, and his hands weren’t soft enough. He had really chapped lips and he just wasn’t you.”

Kurt had closed his eyes, but Blaine could tell he was listening, so he kept going even though his heart was thumping so loud and it felt like the ground under him was just going to fall apart and leave him free falling forever.

“We went up to his room. You don’t know how much I hesitated, how much I wanted to just run out of there and never look back. For some reason I went up there. He pushed me onto his bed and he just got on top of me and when he leaned down to start kissing me again I just couldn’t do it. I pushed him off and he kind of ran out of the room and got me water. But I was already done – I was ready to go and I did. I left. I left and I bought my plane ticket because I knew I couldn’t keep it from you and I needed you to know. And god, Kurt, I’m just the worst person ever and I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

Kurt was hugging him again and Blaine just felt apart under his touch. He didn’t know why Kurt seemed to be so intent on keeping him together, but he saw it as a good sign and he leaned into him and he just cried, sobbing loud and gasping for air as tears just kept coming and Kurt rubbed at his back.

Blaine didn’t know when he stopped crying. Eventually he did and he and Kurt just pulled apart.

“You made it sound like you had sex with him,” Kurt said, “like he saw all of you like only I was supposed to. This isn’t me saying it was okay but you made it sound so much worse, Blaine, and I just keep picturing some stranger touching you and kissing you where you’re most sensitive, and just…you didn’t go past a few kisses.”

“It’s still cheating,” Blaine said, “I still felt horrible. I still hated myself and knew you would too because I went to that house and I let him kiss me and I kissed him back and…”

Kurt grabbed his hands. “And you were in pain. You were hurting and lonely and I was so caught up that I just didn’t uphold what I promised you. And I am so sorry for that.”

“I should have known better,” Blaine said, “than to do that. After everything that happened with Sebastian and Chandler. I should have known better. And I think I did. I think knowing that you were in New York and living a new life without me with new people and new men and just being apart from you made me question everything. Here I was in a high school in Ohio, boring and stuck in a school that I moved to for you and stuck without you and I just thought why wouldn’t you move on? Why wouldn’t you turn to all those new people in New York? It seemed like it was all that mattered to you and you didn’t care what I was doing here. I just knew it was coming – the day when you broke up with me and I couldn’t handle that and I think that’s why I did it. That’s why I just did it and didn’t think about it and didn’t know how it would make me feel to hurt you that way when I promised that I would never do that.”

Kurt let go of his hands, but only because his hands were suddenly wiping at Blaine’s cheeks. “God, you stupid, stupid boy,” he said and then they were kissing.

The kiss was hard and full of want and need and everything that they hadn’t had in too long. It was teeth biting at lips, and a fight for domination. It was Kurt licking and sucking and doing everything in his power to remind him what a kiss from him – from the person he loved – was. And it was Blaine answering back and letting Kurt leave his mark there, letting himself be Kurt’s. It was what he was. But when they pulled apart, he knew nothing had changed.

They were breathing hard and stood close enough to feel each other’s breaths but Blaine could see that while it had meant a lot to both of them it wouldn’t be enough.

“Kurt,” Blaine whispered.

“I missed you,” Kurt said, “I missed you every day, and not just that. I miss talking to you and telling you everything. I miss your advice and your jokes and your teasing. I miss hearing about your life. I miss knowing that you understand me and that you like the same things I do and some that I don’t. And I love you. I love you with everything I have and that’s why I couldn’t hate you and I couldn’t break up with you in person or talk to you. I just love you and that’s why I forgive you.”

While he spoke, he cried and he looked like he was in so much pain that Blaine just wanted to take him in his arms and tell him that he didn’t need to say anything.

“You what?”

“I forgive you,” Kurt said, “I will never condone cheating, but I forgive you. But, Blaine, I don’t think I’m ready to be with you again. You may not have slept with him but you went to him and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop thinking about you without thinking about what you did.”

It hurt to know that Kurt was still in so much pain over it all. It hurt that they couldn’t just go back to who they were. But he understood. They were talking now. And maybe someday they could be more, but for now friendship sounded fantastic to him.

“So…”

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine’s waist. “So, we’re back to the beginning. We’re friends, Blaine, we were always good when we were friends.”

They hugged for a long time and then Kurt pecked him gently on the lips. “I hope you can forgive yourself, Blaine.” And then he left the room.

Blaine sat back down on Rachel’s bed and he stared at his hands, back to how he’d started. He heard the bathroom a few doors down and knew Kurt was in there. Blaine had forgotten they were at a party, he’d been so focused on Kurt, but suddenly he remembered and he waited until he heard Kurt’s footsteps before he went to the bathroom and tried to get himself cleaned up.

Kurt loved him. Kurt forgave him. They weren’t what they used to be, but they could get there again. He was sure they could.

 

-

Kurt kept seeing Ryan. He still went out with Chase, and Matt, and Arlene. He hung out with Rachel and sometimes they even talked about Finn and Blaine and Kurt told her how they were friends. He still wrote on his blog when he could and somehow the tone was happier. It was still as escape, but now he had Blaine too and the blog and Blaine blended well together. They blended so well that one night when he was done with work early, Kurt called Blaine on his way out of the building.

“Hey, stranger,” Blaine said cheerily, “you have perfect timing. I just put the cookies in the oven.”

“Cookies?” Kurt asked, “chocolate chip or peanut butter?”

Blaine laughed. “I shouldn’t tempt you with food you can’t have. But chocolate chip. Anyway, what’s up? You never call this early.”

“Got off work early and I wanted to do something I’ve been thinking about a lot.”

He kept walking, getting out of the way of business men and women who were rushing past. He walked past where he usually caught the subway and crossed the street at the corner. There was a coffee shop just a few more blocks away that Kurt had found back when he was still figuring out the subway and getting off a few stops too early. He hadn’t gone back there in a while. This had always been a place where he wanted to take Blaine.

“Oh, yeah?” Blaine asked.

“Yes, but wait let me get to where I want to be.”

Blaine hummed. “So what could possibly have happened in the world of fashion for you to be out of work so early?”

Kurt just laughed. “Reconstruction of the website. We’re not putting as much content out this week. Tonight we got particularly lucky. You’d think they’d keep us busier. Anyhow, I’m here. Do you have your computer handy?”

“Yes, I do. Skype?”

Kurt brought out his own laptop and set it up on the table and called a barista over to order coffee. It took Blaine just a little longer and then Kurt was getting a call. He answered and then there was Blaine. His curls were a little disheveled, and he still had an apron on, poof that he’d been indeed baking. A bowtie peaked out on his neck and Kurt smiled a little bit.

“Where are you?” Blaine asked.

“Coffee shop,” Kurt answered, “it’s this place a few blocks from work, I haven’t actually come here in a while. It reminded me of the Lima Bean from the moment I saw it and I always wanted for you to come here with me – for us to make it our new coffee place in the city.”

Blaine moved until he was seated at his kitchen table. He didn’t take off the apron.

“And even though I can’t show it to you in person, I thought skype would work until you’re here.”

Being back to being friends meant that they still talked about the future. But it was more about Blaine’s plans to still try out for NYADA and to apply to other schools. He wouldn’t be making the mistake Kurt did and only applying to one. It was practically a guarantee that Blaine would be in New York and that he and Kurt would just return to their friendship. Kurt still didn’t know if he was ready for more, and really he was starting to like Ryan more and more even though he didn’t talk to Blaine about it.

“Friendly coffee dates with someone that actually likes and understands coffee, I can hardly wait. But why did you want to show me it today?”

Kurt shrugged a little. “This part was a spur of the moment type thing. I was headed home, but I couldn’t keep talking to you if I got on the subway. But, okay, I did have something I wanted to tell you.”

“Okay. But give me a sec, I should check on the cookies.”

Kurt heard him humming something as he walked to the oven. God, did he miss Blaine’s cookies. Kurt had always been a good cook, he’d learned it the hard way by making way too many mistakes and almost burning down his house more than once. But he knew how to prepare many different things now. Baking had always been a part of it too, but his cookies would never be what Blaine’s were. He remembered faintly how when Blaine gave him the gum wrapper ring he’d promised to make him them at least twice a year. He smiled a little.

Blaine returned a moment later, “five more minutes,” he said, “but okay, go on.”

“That’s a good amount of time. I want you to go look at it and I really do want to go home. These boots may go really well with my scarf, but I may have made a mistake in buying half a size too small.”

“Fashion can be pain, Kurt,” Blaine said, smirking a little.

“Don’t use my words against me, please. Anyway.” He overextended the word and he saw Blaine grinning at him. He’d always looked particularly attractive when he was smiling like that. Kurt shook his head.

“What were you going to tell me?”

Kurt took a deep breath. He knew that it was stupid to think that Blaine wouldn’t get it. Out of everyone he knew, Blaine would be the one to understand.

“Back right after everything that happened between us, I came to the realization that out of everyone in the world, my dad and Rachel included it was you that I confided everything in. And suddenly I didn’t know what to do. When I saw something in the street that was absolutely horrendous, I wanted to subtly take a picture and send it to you to see what you might think. I wanted your opinion on scarves, and on things at work, on passive aggressive signs, and the most ridiculous and ironic of things.”

Blaine let him talk, and just watched him as if he wanted to listen to Kurt forever. He was used to that look. Kurt liked that look a little too much.

“But I couldn’t send the pictures, or write about them, or rant while walking to work, or even just tell you about them. But after the first week I just started keeping everything. And then, when I needed an outlet for it all during long nights when I couldn’t sleep because all I could picture was you and some guy – and I know what happened now and we’ve been over it, but I didn’t know anything then – I just decided that if I couldn’t share it with you, I would share it with the world.”

Kurt paused to take a sip from the medium drip that he had ordered when he first arrived and then he took a deep breath.

“So, I got a blog, Blaine. And I wrote in it almost every day that we were apart. I still write in it. It’s this thing full of long drawn out metaphors and just my thoughts running wild. It’s not a private blog diary. It’s out there live on the internet for anyone to find and I don’t know if anyone’s read it. Sometimes I think Isabelle has, or Rachel, maybe even Chase. But they haven’t said anything and I’m not going to ask. But I want you to read it.”

Blaine remained silent for a little while longer, sort of staring at Kurt as if he couldn’t believe that he was real. Then he straightened his back and he smiled.

“I’d love to read it,” he said.

Kurt let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Alright. That’s great.”

“I called it ‘Curtain’, it’s on livejournal.”

-

He ate cookies and read, and when the four cookies he’d brought up to his room were gone, he just kept reading. Kurt’s words were captivating. Here was a look into his psyche in the form of long rants, and almost poetic prose. Kurt described the city and his life through metaphor. He never once mentioned Blaine by name or for that matter anyone though there was a small paragraph devoted to Rachel. There were other hints that might have been him thinking about someone in particular. Blaine hated how painful it was to see the hints of Kurt’s heartbreak and loneliness. It was all in how he wrote. They were like letters in a way and Blaine couldn’t help but imagine that every single entry had been meant for him.

Blaine copied and pasted the passages that he was particularly touched by into a word document and he read them over again when he was done reading every single entry. Even though it was midnight by the time he was done, he pulled out his phone and he called Kurt.

“Have you ever considered that maybe you should be writing?”

Kurt grumbled something and then after a bit more shuffling he responded, “You do remember I penned a Pippa Middleton musical right?”

Blaine laughed. He’d actually forgotten about the whole thing and how Kurt had actually made he and Finn help him act it out one Friday night for Kurt’s parents.

“I forgot,” he admitted, “but I’m serious. You’re a fantastic writer. And I know, after reading, how much of yourself you’ve put into it and I just wanted to thank you for letting me read it.”

Blaine shut the lid on the laptop and got up from his bed to fetch his pajamas from his dresser.

“It’s everything I would have shared with you,” Kurt said, “maybe not as thought out or well said as it is in writing, but you were the one person I always shared everything with. ”

They had come far from Christmas but only as friends and Blaine had slowly come to the conclusion that he would take being friends if it was going to be the only thing they were. And, actually, he kind of loved being Kurt’s friend again – not having to answer to him in the same way and without all that expectation that had put so much pressure on them months before. Missed calls happened on both sides and they weren’t taken as seriously. Friendship made things easier again, but it was still hard when Kurt called him asking him to evaluate an outfit because he was going out with friends for the night.

At first they just hadn’t talked about it, but eventually it came up. There was a guy named Ryan. Kurt called him a nice guy that he wasn’t really interested in.

“He doesn’t get me,” he’d told Blaine, “but he’s nice and we have fun sometimes. Mostly we go out with Chase and everyone from work though.”

But Blaine knew there were other guys there. Kurt had admitted that sometimes they went out to gay clubs. And he’d giggled while he told Blaine how surprised he’d been to find that other guys were actually checking him out.

“They’re so much different from Scandals, Blaine,” he’d told him once, “I didn’t think I was going to like it much and I barely have time to go out, as you know, but it’s nice to metaphorically let my hair down.”

One particular night was memorable because Kurt had actually called him drunk. He hadn’t made a lot of sense, just thrown around some nonsense words that could barely be heard over the music in the background. Rachel’s voice had been there too and she didn’t sound drunk so Blaine’s worry had lessened some but having never seen Kurt drunk, he didn’t know if he was alright.

After Kurt hung up, he’d called up Rachel and gotten her assurance that she would get him home in one piece.

“Anyway, I have to get to sleep. And you do too. You have school tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me,” Blaine said.

“And,” Kurt added, “you might get your letter tomorrow.”

Blaine had applied to a bunch of different schools, even a few in California to appease his parents and Cooper. Mostly though, he’d applied to schools in New York and a couple in Ohio just as backup if he really didn’t get in anywhere else. He’d learn from Kurt and Rachel’s mistakes and not just applied to NYADA, though he’d applied there too.

“Fingers crossed.”

The only problem was that he hadn’t gotten any response from any of the schools yet. Everyone assured him they would get there that week or the next.

“Good night,” he said to Kurt.

“Good night. Have fun at school tomorrow, and let me know if anything gets there.”

“I will.”

Blaine was really nervous about college probably because of what had happened to Kurt with NYADA. He’d actually gone a little bit crazy with extra curriculars and even with the applications for that matter. He applied everywhere. At least it felt like he did, but he was still waiting to hear if he had gotten in anywhere. Logically he knew that at least one of those schools had to accept him, but he couldn’t help to worry. He tried not to think about getting into schools that weren’t in New York or getting a scholarship to somewhere like California.

He and Kurt might not have been together, but they were still best friends and Blaine wouldn’t lie, but he was still hoping that somehow, through some crazy sequence of events when he was in New York next year he and Kurt could work things out.

He washed his face and put the moisturizer that Kurt had got him years ago. He was running low and would have to go out and get some soon. He crawled into bed afterwards and reached for the small stuffed dog that was always on his bedside table.

“Good night, Margaret,” he whispered.

-

He and Ryan had a falling out. Kurt couldn’t even remember what their fight had been about, and when Ryan just walked away, he hadn’t even bothered to think farther than to hope that he’d get home alright. Then he went back to his room and called Blaine.

Kurt was calling Blaine a lot lately. Now that he’d been working for a few months, his job had gotten a lot more stable. It was still a lot of work, but he had steady hours and he wasn’t overwhelmed by everything that was thrown his way. Isabelle had started giving him more responsibilities, but in general there wasn’t much he couldn’t handle.

So, he called Blaine all the time. He loved talking to the other boy and not just about his own life. He loved hearing about Blaine’s. He was excited about the auditions that he would have coming up for a few of the schools he’d applied to. Blaine had finally gotten a response and he was a finalist for NYADA, he was auditioning for NYU and UCLA. There were a few other schools that he hadn’t applied to with the idea of going for performing arts and he’d heard from all of them. There was such a long list that Kurt couldn’t remember them all.

“Hey,” Blaine said when he picked up the phone, “I thought you were busy tonight?

Kurt sank onto his back on his bed. “I was, but Ryan just…we had a fight and he pretty much ran out after yelling that he will never talk to me again. It’s just he keeps asking me if I might be ready to have more yet, but I just don’t like him that was. I mean, I don’t even feel that upset over it. Just a little annoyed.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Blaine said, “I knew he was a good friend to you.”

“One of the best. But, oh well. I still have Chase, Matt, and Arlene and there’re a bunch of fun. When you come to New York again we’ll take you out.”

It had been a while before Kurt felt comfortable making references to the possibility that Blaine might come to visit him in New York. But now that the whole school thing had been figured out, it was looking more and more likely and Blaine had even told him a few days before that he wanted to check out the different schools.

“I just haven’t made up my mind yet and my mom said that might help. Cooper keeps trying to throw in his opinion about UCLA, but I just can’t picture moving all the way to LA.”

So, he was coming to visit during his Spring Break and Kurt had told him he could stay with him as soon as he heard. They both hoped that this trip would go better than the last. Of course they had absolutely no expectations for each other and they would most likely remain just best friends after everything, but Kurt was excited to see Blaine again and he knew it was going to be the thing that really gave him an indication on whether there might be a future for them.

Long distance had been harder than they had both expected and Kurt was still a little stuck on what Blaine had done to them. They had been great together and he had gone and just messed it up completely by cheating on him and it still hurt. Kurt couldn’t deny looking back that they had problems because they had been full of them – why else would Blaine cheat? There had to be a reason. But they could have gone past those problems and figured something out. Blaine cheating made it much harder. He brought in another person and even though Kurt now knew that he and Eli hadn’t gone too far, it still hurt to think that Blaine had turned to him first. Not that he was blameless. He’d been so self-involved and just a horrible boyfriend in general.

The last time that Kurt had seen Blaine had been during Christmas when he and Blaine finally got to talking and started their friendship again. Since then there had been calls, and skype, and numerous e-mails but they had yet to see each other again. School kept Blaine in Ohio. Work kept Kurt in New York. But suddenly there was a window, a week for Blaine to spent in New York with him and everything was on the line, or at least it felt like it was.

“I don’t think you and Coop in the same state, not to mention the same city, and the same apartment could work for very long.”

Blaine made a noise that sounded almost like a snort. “No, that definitely is not going to work.”

“But my best friend in New York. Now that would be perfect.”

“Yes,” Blaine said. He sounded wistful.

“I thought I was your best friend.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Sometimes,” he said and then to Blaine, “Rachel’s home.”

“And where is Ryan? Last I saw of him he was pretty excited to come over here.”

Somehow Ryan and Rachel had become fast friends and before Kurt knew it, they had started spending a lot of time together because Rachel had a lot of mornings off this semester and Ryan had odd shifts at work.

“Fight. I’ll tell you about it later. Now go away. I left dinner in the fridge.”

Blaine had been quiet during the whole exchange but when Kurt let him know Rachel was gone he spoke again.

“Anyway, we’ll have lots to do when you come.” Kurt didn’t tell him that he’d already told Isabelle that he might need that week off. She was still the boss ever, so she’d just smiled and asked him to tell her why.

And Kurt had told her everything. He hadn’t told any of his friends from New York everything. It was one thing for his and Blaine’s mutual friends to know their business but these people didn’t know Blaine and Kurt hadn’t wanted them judging him. It was enough that they knew there was a Blaine and that he had been Kurt’s boyfriend. But to Isabelle he told everything.

“So, it sounds like you forgave him?”

Kurt had slumped into the chair. “Thing is, back during high school I sort of cheated on him. I mean, I was texting another guy. He was very flirty, very flattering and it made me feel good. It was exciting, I guess. And Blaine got really upset. We talked it all out and it turned out that Blaine had been pulling away from me because he was trying to prepare himself for the long distance, for being apart. I promised him we’d talk every day, that we would skype every day.

“But the moment I got this job and I was here I got so busy and caught up in everything that suddenly I was the one pulling away. I declined phone calls, and cancelled skype dates, and called him to tell him I couldn’t call him later. I barely answered texts and during the few times that we talked I just was so excited to finally have him in front of me through a computer screen, or on the phone that all I wanted was to share what was happening to me. Like, he didn’t matter. Like his life wasn’t as important.

“When he needed me, when he was lonely I just wasn’t there. So he got the attention he wanted from someone else. And he didn’t have sex with this guy. But I’m just afraid that if we get back together he’ll go and do it again the next time I get busy, or the next time I don’t pick up my phone. And I just know that when and if we get back together that it’ll just complicate everything again and that if we don’t make it that we’ll never have anything again. And I love him. So, yeah, I forgive him. Of course I forgive him.”

She’d told him to take any week he needed and when he stood up to leave the office added, “relationships are really hard work. My mom told me this great little comparison when I was sating my ex-husband. She said they’re like a wine glass. Fragile as anything and the work you put in is to keep it from shattering. Sometimes it’ll almost tip over, or it will get a chip or crack, but the wonder is in seeing the light shine off it in the end and know that it will still hold water.”

“Yes, definitely,” Blaine said on the phone, “we still have to go see Wicked.”

Kurt bounded on the bed. “And Godspell. Blaine, you have to see Godspell.”

He didn’t add that Isabelle had already promised him any comp tickets she got for any Broadway show that week because she always got those type of things. She had already given them to him once. He had taken Rachel out for her birthday, just the two of them.

They talked for a while longer, making plans and laughing about everything they might do and it all just felt like before except that now they weren’t planning on locking Rachel out of the apartment for some quality time.

-

The moment that Blaine saw Kurt waiting for him at JFK, he knew that this week wasn’t just going to be him looking at schools in the mornings and maybe grabbing a bite to eat with Kurt before he went back to work, or hanging out with Rachel, or waiting until Kurt was off work.

“Blaine!” Kurt called.

Blaine let out a bubble of laughter and then he was rushing forward. It would have been like something right out of a movie, except that his bag was heavy and there were so many people around that he had to slow down so he didn’t run into them. But then he was with Kurt and their arms were wrapped tightly around each other and Kurt was laughing. He felt amazing against him, Kurt’s lean chest pressed up against him, and his arms so strong and protective.

In that moment Blaine knew that he was never going to be over Kurt, that he was always going to love this amazing man and that no one would ever compare to him.

Somehow his face ended up nuzzled into Kurt’s neck and he could smell him. There was his detergent, his cologne and mixture of lotions, and then past that just Kurt. They hugged for longer than should have been appropriate for friends, but Blaine didn’t mind. Instead he just held on and he hoped that it meant what he wanted it to mean.

When they finally let go, Kurt was smiling widely. “You’re here,” he said, “you’re really here.”

“I’m not a ghost or anything. So, yeah.”

Kurt shook his head. “Alright, well, we have to get to the apartment, then, and drop off your things and then we go on an adventure in New York.”

Blaine picked up his bag again. He’d opted for just a carry on because he didn’t need too much for a week – and Kurt had already expressed that he wanted to take him shopping.

“I thought you’d be at work. I was planning on just hanging out at your apartment today.”

“I took the entire week off,” Kurt said, “I didn’t want to have you here and just ignore you. No, we’re doing this right.”

And then Kurt grabbed his hand and then were leaving the airport and they were getting into a town car.

“Technically I had work this morning,” Kurt explained as they got in, “I came directly from there, actually and so Isabelle told me I could take her car. She won’t need it until later, Grant is just going to drop us off at the apartment – this’ll be the nicest car that neighborhood will see for a good while.”

There was no residual awkwardness. They were just Kurt and Blaine and they were back to the rapport that they had always had. But even when they were best friends the first time around others had known that more was just coming around the corner and everything just felt the same.

At the apartment, Kurt put Blaine’s bag by his bed, and then he went to an area that had been roped off by sheets which Blaine remembered Kurt had explained was his closet.

“As much of a walk in as I could make it,” he’d said.

“I’m going to get changed and then we can get something to eat because you have to be hungry, but make yourself at home – flights are always tiring – and then our adventure can begin.

Blaine had seen the apartment so many times through skype that it felt like he already knew it all, Kurt’s ‘room’ in particular. He’d even slept in that bed once, but he didn’t want to think about it. He sat down on it anyway and removed his shoes.

“I’m gonna use your lap top, Kurt,” he called out.

“Go ahead. You know my password.”

He did. He smiled to himself a little because Kurt hadn’t changed it. That probably meant he hadn’t changed any of his passwords. When the screen came to life, he typed it in and then when he was logged on he was surprised at the picture that was in the background. It was the two of them – the same picture that Blaine had once had in his locker.

“I love your picture!” He called out, “it’s my favorite.”

Kurt peaked through sheets. “Oh,” he said, but there was a smile on his lips, “it’s one of mine too.”

After Kurt made them lunch, they headed out and it was an afternoon of just walking around the city. Occasionally, Kurt would grab his hand, or loop his arm through Blaine’s. Once, he wrapped his arm around Blaine’s waist.

They went to eat later at a really nice restaurant that looked like it could have been expensive, but Kurt waved him off.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said, “and order whatever you like.”

Blaine tried to order something that wasn’t too expensive, but Kurt pushed him until he had ordered something else and then they were both talking the night away. Kurt listened while Blaine told him about preparations for Nationals and how much Marley and Jake reminded Blaine of Finn and Rachel. They talked about Tina and Mike and their hook up that had ended in a pregnancy scare. Basically, they shared all the gossip that either of them might have missed.

“Finn called Rachel the other day,” Kurt told him when their drinks arrived, “they talked for hours. But she’s still seeing Brody. I don’t know what’s going on with them. But she’ll be going home for her Spring Break next week so, who knows what could happen.”

Kurt told Blaine all about work and how his tiny closet sized office had become even smaller in the last week when things needed to be stored in there.

“Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe in there.”

After their food came out they talked a little less in order to eat, but sometimes they couldn’t help themselves and got so into a story that neither touched their food. Kurt kept glaring at the waitress when she came by to ask if they needed anything – she always interrupted in the middle of a story.

Kurt cut short on his tale about Chase and a bunch of pictures that should not have seen the light of day, much less the web, when at a table not too far from theirs a man had just gotten down on one knee. They didn’t hear what he said, but it was obvious what was happening.

“Oh my god,” Kurt breathed.

Kurt clapped his hands and then the couple were kissing and laughing and the whole restaurant was just clapping along. Blaine couldn’t keep his eyes off Kurt, but he did glance in the direction of the recently engaged couple.

“Blaine did you see? You wouldn’t think a cliché would be romantic, but I guess anything that celebrates love is.”

Kurt dropped his hand to the table and on complete accident landed on Blaine’s.

“Oh,” he said.

But Blaine moved his hand and he intertwined their fingers. He gave Kurt’s hand a squeeze.

“Kurt,” Blaine said at the same time that Kurt said, “Blaine.”

They stared at each other for a moment and then burst out into laughter. Kurt wiggled his fingers a bit and they just smiled at each other.

“I came here with Isabelle one night and I saw this older couple sitting in a booth, holding hands. The waitress didn’t even ask them for their order, she just brought them their food and they sat there and ate and didn’t even talk and they looked so in love and I thought, that’ll be me and Blaine except we’ll be in a coffee shop.”

“What are you saying?” Blaine asked nervously.

Kurt just stared at him for a while. “I told you we’re going to grow old together once, Blaine, and that isn’t something that’s faded from my dreams for us. I never once stopped loving you and I want you to know that nothing you do can make me stop. And I’m over it. I am so ready to just put it behind us and move on. And I want this to be our beginning again.”

Blaine had to just stare at him for a while. He knew he was probably gapping. But it didn’t take him long before he was grinning.

“I won’t ever stop loving you either,” Blaine said, “never, And I can’t promise that I’ll never hurt you – I’m an idiot, but you know that – but I will never be unfaithful to you.”

Kurt pulled his hand back and then he was around the table, standing next to Blaine and before Blaine knew it his head was being tipped back and Kurt was kissing him. It was ambrosia. Kurt tasted like alfredo sauce, and diet coke but his lips slid over Blaine’s with practice and ease, not too rough and not pushing too hard. It was perfect and when Kurt stopped kissing him, he just pressed their foreheads together despite how awkward they must have looked with Blaine still in his chair.

Kurt sat back down and Blaine whined a little at having him so far away across the table. Around them people clapped and he felt his face get warm. The smile on his lips didn’t vanish though. Kurt was biting on his lower lip.

“I didn’t mean to get us that much attention,” Kurt said and he grabbed Blaine’s hand again.

“Yeah, well,” Blaine said, “I don’t think I minded that too much.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, but the affect was lost on Blaine because Kurt was smiling so much.

“So,” Kurt said, “back to the beginning?”

“Is this our second first date?” Blaine asked.

Kurt laughed, but he nodded. “If you want it to be.”

“Then, yes. I want it to be, Kurt.”

They ate and laughed and talked and when it came to paying for the check, Kurt just handed his card to the waitress and ignored Blaine’s protesting about Kurt paying. Then they got up and holding hands they left the restaurant. Everything was back to how it should have been.


End file.
